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How Do Emotionally Intelligent Moms Express Anger?

Everyone has emotions and moments when they lose control of their emotions. During the process of raising children, if the parents lose control of their emotions, the children will “suffer”. We all know that it is not good to lose control of our emotions and lose our temper, and to beat and scold our children. Every time we lose our temper, we feel guilty, but sometimes we just can’t help it…

So, how can we lose our temper less and try not to lose control of our emotions? Also, what should you do if you lose your temper with your child? Share the following 4 points for your reference.

Spot the signs early and speak out

Before getting angry or having an emotional outburst, we will have some physical signals, such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, rapid breathing, unconscious clenching of fists, tense shoulders, etc.

When we are aware of these body signals and feel that we are about to explode, remember to express our emotions, such as: “I think I will be very angry”, “This situation makes me very angry”.

In addition, when we are angry, we are prone to have some negative thoughts, which will aggravate our anger.

For example, on a busy, tiring, and irritable day, when you pick up your child from school, and your child asks for this or that, and is dissatisfied with this or that, then the following may appear in your mind:

“Why is this child so ignorant?”
“There is no one to help me, so I have to take care of the kids all by myself.”
“If I had been a little better, I wouldn’t be so tired.”
“Why do you kid always make me angry? It’s so disturbing.”

Once these thoughts start to appear in our minds, it is also a time when we need to stop and slow down.

Try ways to relax

When you are angry, you can try some small actions to relax yourself. For example: take a deep breath; deliberately slow down your breathing; avoid it for a while and find a place to calm down first; take a shower; play some soothing music; go out for a little exercise, etc.

In short, you can try any method of self-relaxation that can break the tense atmosphere at that time, and if conditions permit, try to pause the out-of-control emotions.

Timely review

After you calm down, try to think about what happened? Why am I so angry? How do you calm yourself down?

These reflections and summaries can help us better deal with similar situations we encounter in the future.

Take good care of yourself

this point is very important. When we are tired or stressed, we are prone to bad temper and emotional outbursts. Therefore, taking good care of yourself and trying to keep yourself calm and relaxed can prevent your children from “suffering” less.

It is normal to occasionally lose control of your emotions and lose your temper with your children.

In fact, occasional emotional outbursts can be normal. There is no need to let go and regret it for a long time. It’s just that we have to pay attention to the way we apologize.

“I’m sorry, mom was angry just now” is not ideal because it may cause the child to mistakenly think that anger is a wrong emotion.

A better way is: “I’m sorry, mom just yelled at you.” This can let the child understand that it is okay to be angry, but yelling is not okay, so that the child can get the correct information.

In short, everyone will be in a bad mood and angry sometimes. Try to control your emotions and try not to lose your temper with your children. It is acceptable to occasionally lose your temper with your children, but I hope you will reflect on each outburst and try to do better next time.